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Tuesday, November 14th, 2000
6:14 pm - Heckling Heather Sizzle-moo-Who
thats me, just thought id put it somewhere so i wouldnt forget it

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Wednesday, November 8th, 2000
6:33 pm - BRALESS CLUB
Okay this is an annoucement for any girls going to Skyview that reads this, we are starting a new braless club. This is totally serious! me and becca started it so if you are interested reply to this or come talk to me(heather) or becca. We are coming up with rules and and will have them ready at the meeting. we will meet in the pit on wednesdays afterschool. and also inthe mornings that day just so we can check and make sure no one is wearing a bra. and if you have PE leave one in the locker room. okay if you want more info then talk to us.

HEATHER

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Monday, November 6th, 2000
1:47 pm
god damit i am suck a fucking morron I HATE MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i was all fine and dandy until i got on here and realized i didnt make my last journal entry private!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD DAMN I HATE MY SELF!!!!!!! i think its time to go get a kitchen knife fuck i dont think i ever want to be seen again. i am sure they hate me know! FUCK!!!!!!!

current mood: distressed

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Sunday, November 5th, 2000
5:09 pm
well, last night was err interesting, but over all it was good. I dont know it was weird....but yeah. Cassie i want the bottle!!!!! that made me soooooooooooooooooooooo happy oh my goodness!!! but yeah anyhow you better fucking get me a rad bottle for christmas!!!! hee hee. this morning was funny me joelle and wade were all like hu hu NARF were cool.... but yeah isnt this all dadny and nice that im not as sad anymore i mean if i thought real hard i could be but what would be the point of that??? I would have NO fun. blah yeah.... I liked how me and bridge talked last night, i have really missed our lil times together talking about things..... so yeah it was fun! and then me wade and melissa finally got our family time! it was lotsa fun we all sat on the bench cuddling talking. i wish i had a creative way of expressing all of this through words...ya know? no you dont but thats okay.

current mood: calm

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Saturday, November 4th, 2000
11:42 am
Blah blah blah, i wish i were still in bed....my mo woke my up at 10:00 to tell me remember chores have to be done by noon today. yucky thing to wake up to! goodness im still all messed up i need to talk to cassie but i dont know i may have to wait until tonight....... But ya know I should be depressed more often, i get more hugs that way!! errr at least from wade I do... but yeah anyhow. sucky sucky sucky, well i was all happy last night cuz i talked to my daughter on the phone and i made her happy and she made me happy isnt that neat how it worked out?? i thought it was but then when i got off i was okay for a bit and yea......But pooh makes everything okay

current mood: blah

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Friday, November 3rd, 2000
5:55 pm
oh i forgot to add this to my last entry. Melissa darling WE MISS YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! get better!!!! i wanna see you soon. it just hasnt been the same at school without you. and you havent been there to make me happy :o( i hope to see you monday!!!!!

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5:48 pm - Wuzzles make a depressed girl happy
blah blah blah well I am a little bit better.....But still minds in a jumble. but yeah i had my therapy, my art work. I finished that piece I was working on, i showed it to at least wade i think that cassie and joelle saw the beginings of it... but yeah anyhow. I got my Wuzzles lunchbox in the mail today. its awsome!!! I think I am going to bring it to joelles tomorrow, cuz yea i found out that I AM invited I thought joelle didn't really want to be my friend anymore and that that was why she didnt invite me but yeah whatever......... It might be weird there because of the people that are coming and like some of them do not get along. but whatever I guess thats good for now.

current mood: bored

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Thursday, November 2nd, 2000
9:45 pm
Blah. well i am a little bit better some of the time..that really says a lot.........but yeah im just all messed up in the head i have so many mixed up feelings and emotions and everything i just dont know what to think anymore. And I have been so confused taht I have not been able to concentrate on my school work...... But yeah tonight dinner was good as in taste but not in any other way of speaking.. we went to this yummy thai place but yeah then my parents were all like yay we have a happy family la la la. even though i was just sitting there not talking and trying not to talk to anyone else but whatever. they're not very smart. arg my minds al messed up! but hell at least im clean. blaaahhhhh i wonder if im going to get to do anything with wade or jeff this weekend....but i don tknow if they are going to joelles for the dinner that cassie told me about..... yeah whatever

current mood: confused

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Wednesday, November 1st, 2000
6:00 pm - ARG
I hate this my moods/emotions have been going crazy! its like happy one moment sad and depressed the next. I just dont know what to say or do! arg. i dont know if I can really even explain it in words. But i have been working on one picute for art that i really like that i just kind of expressed my emotions but most people probably wouldnt understand it unless they were inside my head but yeah....... and then today after I got home I did a bad in the way of quality but good in the way of expression drawing with oil pastels. but yeah thats another one no one would understand unless you were in my head. but blah. I think I should definately stay away from girl; interupted when im sad...I watched it today and yea since im just so damned emotional i cryed boo hoo poor lil me. god i suck ijust need to shut the fuck up right now bitch do it!!! do it now!!!

current mood: depressed

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Tuesday, October 31st, 2000
9:44 pm - one eyed one horned flying purple people eater
fa la la Halloween oh what fun!! one of the few days of the year i "fit in" with most people around me......yeah at kaites, she had a il party i went to, ciera came over and she was dressed almost exactly like me...it was weird though cuz yea we never talk. and blah blah blah blah blah! I dont really feel like getting into all of that. but yeah i was like comletely crazy earlier tonight. i was like touching everyones asses and yea and trying to feel them up but you know just in a playful way....they were all girls but it was fun! and the fact that a had some *mountain dew* before i went made everything that much funnier. but hey i didnt have that much...so dont be telling me i shouldnt be doing that. I wish i talked to and saw all of my wonderful friends more like; bridge, cassie, joelle, and wade, well and melissa. whatever...........
I wanna talk to josh more hes such a sweetie!!! blah blah im a bore on here and only sometimes am i fun to be around. :p

current mood: happy/sad

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Monday, October 30th, 2000
4:45 pm
Yea well today I was kind of sad but then I had nodoes(sp?), which made me kind of hyper but not very hyper...i think next time i should take two...hmm but yeah when i got home i was kind of sad. but then i started working on another care bears skirt and it made me happy because i love the care bears i want one of the videos!!! so yea if any one wants to get me a good x-mas or b-day present that would be it! ;o) hee hee naw im just playing.... BLAH!!!! I wonder what i am going to do for halloween....i guess if i cant do anything with like bridge, joelle, or wade then i will go over to katies cuz shes going trick or treating but taht would be a "clean" party, but it would still be fun cuz they are all crazy. fa la la blah nothing else to say

current mood: okay

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Sunday, October 29th, 2000
7:43 pm - Who cares?
UGH i feel like i have no friends. I mean i have people i care about but it feels like they dont care about me and I dont know it makes me sad. really sad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its like im not an interesting/fun person to be around anymore. ugh i dont know maybe its all in my head or maybe its just that no one ever tells me how they feel about me. Its like they think well i guess i will be her friend if she puts out the effort to call me and sets up things to do that i can flake out on......I mean it doesnt always happen that way this weekend ashley called me! and then we went to the mall, the grange and then my house. and that was all fun and dandy and we had some good conversations but no one else I have relaly done anything with and it feels like no one else really cares about me well i think melissa and wade do to some extent but i dont know. DAMIT i think that this week will at least start out to be a sad week :o(. I'll live through it i guess. Im gonna go upstairs and think and talk to inatamint(sp?) objects.

current mood: contemplative

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Saturday, October 28th, 2000
3:12 pm
so yea i have a cut in my hand from a fork bracelet :) cassie and ashley got fork bracelets and me and ashley were kind of wrestling in my bed this morning and she cut me :(. oh well it doesnt hurt that much anymore. I dont know what to say i have so many thoughts going around in my head but i dont know which ones are appropriate for me to be saying out loud and which ones arent......BLAH sucky. but yeah anyhow......I wanted to talk to someone today or do something with someone today and jeff had SAID that we would do something today. but being how he lies to me constantly its kind of hard to believe that. which hes not home now so obvioulsy we wont be doing anything unless i stay up some night and we go to sharis.........thats the only times i see him now. whatever and it feels like i dont have any really close friends anymore i mean i have good friends and all but not that are realy close to me. and this is probably bad to say but I kind of like it when bridge and joelle fight some because that means that i get to spend more time with each of them. cuz when they are all buddy buddy and happy like I feel like the third wheel and no matter what they say like no your not we love you too and blah blah blah. none of it is true. i am a third wheel around them and i hate it!!!!!!!!!!! i love them both to death, so i hope they dont think i dont like em but it just bothers me sometimes. it also bothers me when i am insecure about something and then a friend just kind of makes fun of me for it over and over and over. sometimes it just goes too far! but yea whatever. I wanna go watch movies with a good friend maybe I can go to joelles and we can get funny ones....i do not know hmm hmm i will tlak to her later. brrrrrr i am freaking freezing!!!!!!! anyhow......

current mood: blah

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Thursday, October 26th, 2000
8:24 pm - footbal +/- ?
blah blah blah. well ya know I actually didnt have THAT bad of a time at the game tonight.....I usually hate football and have a miserable time but I guess that is just because last year the only games I went to were the ones I had to for band...which sucked totally. but yea i just sat there and was silly with some friends, it was fun, i kind of sort of lost my voice from just trying to speak over all the noise around me. but yea whatever. so yea i made a skirt and its cute! its a kind of short lil drawstring skirt with the care bears. how cute. but yea i still have my sheets, i just used the pillow case for that one.. but anyhow I doubt anyone understands what i am talking about but oh well

current mood: silly

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1:18 pm
YAY im happy I have a beautiful little girl now. hee hee shes a cute. She's my honey bunny and shes also daddy's little princess..... Hee hee i wonder what that makes me and wade??? since he IS the father of my child......hmmm something to ponder over. oh and wade darling if you read this I told lissa that we needed some family time this weekend. And I mean it so you and lissa both need to set a day aside for just us. A family bonding day. It will be fun, honest! We just keep drifting apart. Did you read those comments on her journal entrys! my goodness I could not belive what her and Lia were talking about. We just dont know our sweet not so innocent girl anymore. *sobbing* but we should be *sniff* proud of her in some ways *sniff* she is figuring out who she is.....*sniff*





But on the reality side... I GOT MY CARE BEARS sheets today!! now I can make pretty clothes out of them this weekend!! hee hee yay so yea im going to make this quick cuz I want to go get creative! TA TA MY wonderful friends

current mood: amused

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Wednesday, October 25th, 2000
5:53 pm - yackity yack dont talk back!!!
Yucky im going to have all this stuff done to my teeth. But hey at least I get off my braces on November 9TH!!!!! YAY!!! im happy about taht one! hee hee. well my dad was er very uneventful for the most part. well josh is a sweetie and im glad he rode the bus today. I havent talked to him as much this year and i miss it! I LUV JOSH! anyhow.....blah blah blah I dont have anything too important to say just wanted to write something. People have been noticing that I am a lot happier than i used to be and yea i dont know why that is funny but it really is! i guess its cuz i find it so weird that I am happy but have no real reason to be happy. oh well thats good. I dont have any real homework tonight which is good. I think it is sooo funny when friends tell me one say thay want to dress goth just because and ask for my help shopping or sometiems not tha latter. But yeah Jill told me for her birthday she want to dress all goth and so i have to go shopping with her! But i think that would be fun because I like dressing people up and like I never go shopping with anyone anymore and no one im good friends with dresses the way I do.. but yea whatever. I love gothic dresses I really want one but I wouldnt have anywhere to wear it to. But yea I want to do something for halloween so yea i dont know what I will do! cuz im definately not staying home by my self!!! fuck that!!!anyhow.........im gonna go to bed early tonight so I can wake up early. luv you all.

current mood: content

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Tuesday, October 24th, 2000
3:00 pm - fa la la
im all happy. isnt that great?? I think it is. because im starting to not let dumb lil things taht happen get to me too much. I was getting good at that during the summer but then I started going downhill once school started. but i may be going up hill. YAY. I think that is good. fa la la i just want to run around my house dancing and singing. taht sounds like lots of fun to me, but not with jason here. but yea i dont have much to say except YAY im happy. LUV YA ALL!!

current mood: energetic

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Monday, October 23rd, 2000
6:47 pm - YAY
Okay just needed to say, Im happy now. I got my second Wuzzle--Bumblelion :o) hee hee yay. I am thinking maybe if i get enough money I will buy myself all of the wuzzle dolls. oh goodness im pathetic. Oh well :o)

current mood: ecstatic

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5:24 pm - FA LA LA!!!
Yea well for most of the day I was kind of in a bad mood. But yea it made me kind of happy, 3rd period because chris knew i was really upset about something and everyonce in a while he would just say some small sweet things and it just made me smile inside and out. :o) ain't that sweet!!! well I thought it was.... And then Melissa(YOU RULE!!! I HOPE YOU READ THIS!!!) and I went and hung out with Joelle during fottball practice. ANd that was fun because we were all really really goofy and melissa sucks almost as much as me at football!! But after a while i actually started to get better! except not as good as joelle and she made that very obvious but whatever I have learned not to get offended by what Joelle does cuz she usually isn't trying to be mean. But yea. fa la la. oh and thank you soo much bridge for your support you rule! I mean I dont know that i really need to talk that stuff over anymore but just to actually say it was a relief. Oh and if you ever want to tell me about the things you hinted at in the note I'll be ther for you cuz it is good to just talk. and grr I wish people would stop telling me that I need to take medication in order to be happy ALL the time. No one is happy all the time. It is okay to be unhappy at times it is also okay to be happy. You just need to be okay with feeling emotions and then dont try and force them away or else they will become worse. so yea....I know that Wade thinks that medication shit is not the solution so YAY for wade! And that's not cool that you couldn't hang out with me after school :( oh well I still had plenty of fun! blah blah homework is BAD! I want to go have fun again! fa la la maybe I'll get to go to Sharis tonight. I wonder if Joelle will try to do the same thing so she can spend more time with Jeff.. I dunno whatever. okay off to go play with my stuffed aminals!!

current mood: bouncy

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Saturday, October 21st, 2000
11:35 pm
fa la la! well I actually started out having some fun this evening. I ended up going to Joelle's and we all(me, joelle, bridge, jeff, paul :p) watched screwed which was funny. Then it was cool because me and bridge talked for a while until she had to go home...her dad was trying to be a good dad(responsible..). but yea then Paul put in mad max 2 which was a dumb violent movie and I was really NOT in the mood for a whole ton of killing. So I just slipped off into the back bedroom, and eventually after 45 minutes jeff found me so yea..... Stupid Jeff last night started getting me thinking about childhood but not good childhood memories bad ones....So yea now i've been sad thinking about those. And most of those memories I havent told anyone. Ever. I wonder if i ever will tell anyone.... oh well whatever.... FORGET ABOUT IT HEATHER GOD DAMIT!!!!!!!!!!! blah i really wish paul hadnt been there tonight because he always makes it so jeff is no fun to be around. they just off on their own talking about crazy stuff that we will never be interested in. ugh oh well and yea I didnt get any alcohol and I didnt get to meet george..doesnt that suck!

current mood: blah

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